Posted in Conversations on Dec 10th, 2008 No Comments »
Guy One: Has anyone got any Christmas decorations?
Guy Two: %(
Me: %(
Guy One: We haven’t got any up?
Me: That’s because Guy Two’s a Jew and I’m a Hindu.
Posted in Conversations on Nov 24th, 2008 No Comments »
Guy One: No, I’m cutting down on tea.
Guy Two: What? Cutting down on tea!
Guy One: Yeah, I’m drinking more water. It’s good for you, isn’t it?
Me: What? Fish fuck in water - how can that be good for you?
Guy One: :-S
Me: At least tea grows on trees - that’s fruit!
Posted in Conversations on Nov 17th, 2008 No Comments »
Me: Wii Fit in stock at Gamestation now, mate.
Guy One: Hmmm. Not sure I’ve got enough now.
Me: £70 delivered …
Guy One: I need to make some money quickly.
Me: Drugs or sex. That’s the way.
Guy One: Hmmm.
Me: You might want to combine the two to make it more palatable, though.
Guy One: Yeeeeaaaah. Two industries I have [...]
Posted in Conversations on Nov 7th, 2008 No Comments »
Guy One: I can’t wait to go to the dentist.
Me: What!?
Guy One: My teeth feel so much cleaner after I’ve seen the hygienist.
Me: Hmmm.
Guy One: That comment was a bit out of the blue, actually.
Me: I bet no one else ever says that. Is she fit, then?
Guy One: She’s alright, actually.
Me: That figures …
Posted in Conversations on Nov 6th, 2008 No Comments »
Guy One: I wouldn’t mind waking up next to her.
Me: What if she had morning breath?
Guy One: It wouldn’t matter - she wouldn’t be facing me.
[When looking at a photo of Penelope Cruz in "Vanilla Sky"]
Guy One: There are tits - I didn’t see the tits!
Posted in Conversations on Nov 1st, 2008 No Comments »
Me: Did you take the kids Trick or Treating on Friday?
Guy One: Yes, but only to a few people who knew they were coming.
Me: Our neighbour asked if they could call on us, and even left some sweets in case we weren’t ready.
Guy One: That’s a good idea.
Me: Yeah, but if they didn’t show by [...]
Posted in Conversations on Oct 27th, 2008 No Comments »
Me: There’s rumour about a fat woman who got stuck on an aeroplane toilet. She had to stay in there until the plane landed.
Guy One: :-}
Guy Two: :-}
Me: Yeah, she flushed before she stood up and the vacuum trapped her.
Guy Two: It’s a vacuum, is it?
Me: Yeah. Imagine being the engineer and having to unhook [...]
Posted in Conversations on Oct 2nd, 2008 No Comments »
Guy One: Thanks for the tea.
Guy Two: My pleasure. Pleeaaassssuuurrrreee.
Guy One: That’s quite a bit of pleasure.
Me: He put something of himself in to it.
Guy Two: Ooooooh. Nasty.
Guy One: <SpitsTeaOverKeyboard />
Posted in Conversations on Sep 30th, 2008 No Comments »
Guy Two: It must be really convenient having a girlfriend in Cheltenham when you live so far away.
Me: Yes, it is. Why else do you think I keep her?
Guy Two: It won’t be long before she’s got you talking about moving in, though.
Me: Hmmm.
Guy Two: Then she’ll have you doing all sorts of jobs [...]
Posted in Conversations on Sep 30th, 2008 No Comments »
Guy One: You’re so lucky to be going.
Me: Where?
Guy One:<laughs /> To New York!
Me: I paid for it.
Guy One: Yeah, I know. But you’re still lucky.
Me: Do you want to come with me?
Guy One: Eh?
Me: I can change the ticket.
Guy One: Yeah, I wouldn’t mind actually.
Me: There are certain favours you’d have to do for [...]