Kibo …

This is ITV’s latest tat-TV.  Once again they’ve managed to roll out a cheap production aimed at people who think that opera starts with the Old Spice advert and ends at the 1990 World Cup.

It’s a God-awful show.  It’s got none of the quality of shows like X-Factor simply because none of the contestants think they’re brilliant when, in harsh, stark, reality they’re retarded and will never be more than overweight, talentless, unemployed no-hopers from Blackburn.

I sincerely hope that this show doesn’t drive any of its viewers to see an opera at a theatre or concert hall.  It’s already depressing enough to be sitting, quietly enjoying “Carmen” when some pricks start clapping before the act has ended.

Then there’s the coughing.  For fuck’s sake.  Operas are performed without amplification - the performers’ voices can fill the room with sound.  The same thing happens when you, a member of the great unwashed, coughs.  Coughing in an opera or, I suspect, any type of performance, becomes infectious, and once one spaz does it you can better your last dollar that a few others will follow the lead.

Don’t get me started on mobile phones.  Why do people feel the need to check their phones?  It may well be set to silent, but it’s still got a back-lit screen!  I’ve even seen people reply to text messages during a performance.  Trust me - your response to a text message isn’t as important as my enjoyment of La Traviata, so turn the fucking thing off until the intermission.

And don’t tap your feet or hum along to the tunes, either.

You agreed to these simple rules when you bought your ticket.  If you don’t know how to behave in an opera, don’t bloody go to one.