Apr 29th, 2009 by Intermanaut
Guy One: Yeah, she’s going to get her teeth done.
Me: Really? Cool. It can be worth doing.
Guy One: She had a really bad root-canal, so it’s gone a bit discoloured.
Me: I see. Who’s idea was it for her to have a boob job?
Guy One: Hers.
Me: Fucking brilliant. Your girlfriend thought of having her tits done – all by herself. Crafty.
Apr 7th, 2009 by Intermanaut
One hopes that the gutless uniformed wanker who pushed this guy, from behind as he was walking home from work, is found and charged with at least manslaughter. The two-handed push was in no way reasonable force - Mr. Tomlinson had his hands in his pockets.
The officer who pushed Mr Tomlinson is in the centre of this frame, to the left of the bollard at the edge of the picture.
Apr 7th, 2009 by Intermanaut
You’ve got to love Americans. So many of them are so fucking stupid it stings. Take this from some cretin who, although apparently quite capable of understanding English, couldn’t follow the simple rules laid out in one of Flickr’s scoring groups: Continue Reading »
Apr 1st, 2009 by Intermanaut
Me: Could you give Simon Behr a ring on 01993 82—-. Seems like N— F—– has been singing your praises.
Guy One: <ringing /> No answer. Is that number right? It’s for the Cotswold Wildlife Park.
Me: Yes – I checked it with him, but he didn’t say where he works.
Two minutes later …
Guy One: How do you pronounce his surname?
Me: As in Dani Behr, who you may remember from such shows as “The Word” and “Celebrity Get Me Out of Here”.
Guy One: <ringing /> Hi, could I speak to Simon Behr, please?
Other Person: Who, sorry?
Guy One: Simon Behr?
Other Person: There’s no one here by that name.
Guy One: Oh, I’m terribly sorry.
Other Person: April the first …
Everyone Else: <loudly pisses themselves laughing />
Guy One: You bastard. You fscking bastard.
Mar 22nd, 2009 by Intermanaut
Fuck me, this woman is annoying. Who the fuck is she to interrupt with the culture and tradition of the Afar tribes just because she thinks the women have a raw deal?
Tonight’s episode ended with her saying to camera, “The decision now is whether we take the child and its mother by force.” You stupid bitch - that’s kidnapping.
The quality of BBC documentaries really has gone to shit. How the fuck is this piece of skirt getting work these days? Like Michaela Strachan, she’s not even nice to look at anymore.
Mar 20th, 2009 by Intermanaut
Postmaster’s foreign language ban
A Nottingham postmaster has said he will refuse to serve people in his post office if they cannot speak English.
Mar 18th, 2009 by Intermanaut
From BBC News:
The family of terminally ill reality TV star Jade Goody have expressed their support for a tribute issue of OK! magazine which went on sale this week.
There are hundreds, if not thousands, of women going through this, so where’s their multi-million pound financial support? Goody became famous for being unintelligent and unskilled.
Mar 16th, 2009 by Intermanaut
If you only see one film this week, go to see “Gran Torino”. Eastwood is superb, and the (young) supporting cast around him nothing short of brilliant. It’s laugh-out-loud-even-though-you-know-it’s-wrong stuff for a while, and then you get hit around the forehead with a shovel.
Mar 11th, 2009 by Intermanaut
Apple censors what you can do with it, the cheeky fuckers. As applications can only be installed through the AppStore, Apple controls the software that’s available to you. That’s possibly fair to an extent (should an app. that goes in to the detail of making nuclear warheads from Coke cans and banana skin be available?) but prohibiting software on the grounds that it may expose the use to profanity is plain fucking stupid.
Feb 20th, 2009 by Intermanaut
Guy One: How’s it all going?
Guy One: any emergencies?
Me: Not too bad. Guy Two is wearing a cowboy outfit and has set your desk on fire three times so far. He’s also signed Guy Three up to AdultFriendFinder.com, whatever that is. We’re getting some weird calls from girls called “Siobhan” and “Pickles” all the time.
Guy One: Don’t worry about that - that’s normal!
Me: Cool. How’s your day? You’ve got good weather for it.
Guy One: good weather for swimming indoors! ;)
Guy One: yeah cool thanks - going bowling in a mo
Me: At least they’re quiet when held underwater.
Guy One: they just scream when they come to the surface!
Me: Hold them under for longer …